And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. Women have the discretion to assert paternity on a man, though he has limited rights to contest that paternity claim. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. illinois obituaries 2020 . LW, this guy sounds like a scumbag. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark Inc. Lee's Summit MO. What do you think happens to the fetus? They arent bad people because of it. Jess of CGW Still, if I were the LW and I saw my newly reunited BF acting this way about his soon to be born child, Id get the heck out of there. What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. (i.e. )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. Dude, thats seriously out of line. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. Im not saying this guy is wonderful by any means. Its Gone Downhill. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. I know Im stretching here, but The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. Can you blame me for feeling this way? RunsWithScissors To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. And yes it a double standardoh wait men dont have uteruses, silly me. make sure you use back up protection! Oh yeah, because plenty of men already have no problem abandoning AND not paying. John Rohan And hopefully this childs mother will, too. It makes sense that she would do everything she could to convince us that this other woman wanting to keep the child is the worse thing ever because theyre obviously meant to be and this childs existence is a testament to the fact that their (former and/or current) relationship wasnt/isnt perfect. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. And he shouldnt, either. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. Make Ford. He was able to find someone else to keep him company. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. Steve Kellmeyer Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. Chuck(le) I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. That isnt misogyny. I know one 40yr old lady who got pregnant after having her tubes tied. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. Stop this back and forth with him. It was unplanned and a . At this point I dont think it matters how this woman got pregnant: she did. Email usyour questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include Ask Dr. Sherry in the subject line. Documents were drawn up by said lawyers. female Ill never in a million years get it. As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. Its fucking simple. April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. Um hello, hes 40 years old, he knows how babies are made. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. Whatever the case, youre not adding to the discussion. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). iseeshiny How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Overlappers: They start a new relationship before breaking up with you Yes, it would be nice if he were eager to become a parent. And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. Who then supports the child that the man made? I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. , CatsMeow I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. She is sovereign over her own body. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Whats the matter? When I hit the ground, I jumped up, pulled the safety clip off the release assembly and slapped it. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. Share your opinions and thoughts below! But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. Bossip Comment Policy Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. Thats my advice. Like being pregnant is easy. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Though some women seem to believe that is the case. Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! You cant live without food. April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. He ordered her to get an abortion? But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. I was just 6 months into a relationship when I got pregnant. He says he cant stand her? datechguy Not in the 50s or 60s and maybe not as late as the 80s but today the father gets joint custody. Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. What is he supposed to do to prove hes not scum? Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? Its the law. It may not be widely known among the comment threads of womens advice blogs and other social hangouts but the family law bar is well aware of this issue. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. And you dont sound much better. No. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. 24 signs your ex-girlfriend misses you 1) She's all over your social If haha. I dont know how you can defend it. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. Look you can either take what the LW wrote in the letter to be a marginally accurate representation of what is going on or why bother reading and commenting at all? You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. lets_be_honest Their choice, honey. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever.