100. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. 130. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 33. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 187. 231. 55. 50. 144. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 171. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 273. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 84. 3. 10. 170. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. 205. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. It doesnt work if it is not open. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Not me, but somebody does. Socrates. So far, so good. Czech proverb, 261. 12. 28. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. 22. Funny positive affirmations do work. 152. 169. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. Short Funny Sayings The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 161. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 178. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Sam Levenson. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Need to send some positive energy your way? So far, so good. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. They planet. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. 3. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. 35. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. I am enough. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? It will just flow naturally. Rodney Dangerfield. 53. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. Effective pushing often involves poop. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 109. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Learn sign language, its very handy. Not everyone has to like me. It gets toad away. 2. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 96. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. Today I was a hero. - F. 148. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Send me the link. When nothing is going right, go left. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. I breathe in and out. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 13. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I tried, but they wanted cash. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. I accept my body the way it is today. 65. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. 2. 45. 2. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 32. 197. 1. 37. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Bill Murray, 251. 228. 230. Friends buy you food. You can't wait for inspiration. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Alright, get in the basket. 193. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. Things are getting better all the time. 9. 122. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". A backbone. Sam Levenson. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Nothing, they just waved. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. 19. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. "Today will be a great day". If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 117. 213. 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Theres no stopping me now. Envelope. My mind is becoming much sharper. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 183. 124. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 41. 211. Good morning! Not everyone has good taste. 1. 77. Life always offers you a second chance. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. My jokes do. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 22. Actually, you dont have to imagine. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 94. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 222. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Never take life seriously. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 70. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. Hes dreaming too. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. I did not trip and fall. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Lily Tomlin, 242. 1. 147. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Honolulu, its got everything. Some when they enter, some when they leave. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families Read the first word again. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 4. 9. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 269. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. Its okay, he woke up. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. I am fine. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Sincerely, the floor. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. happy. 27. -Katrina Bowden. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 180. - George Burns. 249. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. What do I do for a living? A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 269. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. Art doesnt transform. But you can always be immature. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 145. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Today is a great day. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 23. 128. We frequently doubt ourselves. 235. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 9. Benjamin Franklin. 60 Happy Affirmations That Instantly Make You Feel Better 183. 16. Take a look! Those who snore always fall asleep first. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 81. And a funny bone. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. 106. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Who cares about the future? Learn sign language, its very handy. 32. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. 131. 225. 9. 226. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. How do trees access the internet? I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. P.D. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 226. Make it inspiring. 99. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Albert King Laughter brings me closer to people. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 39. 8. 51. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 245. 229. Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube Short Funny Affirmations. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 273. I see the funny side of life more and more. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. 50. 64. 11. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. 15. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 12. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 192. Your email address will not be published. In the morning, I cant get up. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Everyone brings happiness to this office. It has nothing new to tell you. Can February march? Life is a game full of little and big surprises. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 100 Positive Affirmations for Kids (and Why They're so Important) I receive what I believe. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 151. Helen Giangregorio I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Gary Delaney, 248. 112. 141. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. All you need is love. You can only be young once. 92. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. How do you count cows? When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Honolulu, its got everything. 25. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 52. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 94. 31. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 38. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Yeah, so is a grenade. You wanna know who Im in love with? Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before.