July 3, 2013, 2:36 pm. July 2, 2013, 4:19 pm. A father-daughter relationship is one of the most important relationships a girl can have. To me, there are some red flags in this letter; the fathers ridicule of the daughters interests, and his labeling her as lacking initiative because shes not into the same things he is, jump right out at me. As time went by, your belief that you had any influence at all was fading. I would go on drives to see the eagles, fished, endured Cardinal games and college basketball games. Or are they just not able to love without losing themselves? The point here is that Mom seems to allow her to only have interest in those things, which is bad. I thought The Crucible was awful, but I definitely went to Salem this winter and got really into the witch trials and all the history there. my parents made us go to church every Sunday then come home and watch meet the press. The things she listed that her daughter is into isnt mindless pop culture. But yes, to all of it. MAY THEY DIE IN LOTS OF FIRES. I mean when she was a toddler did he demand that the Disney tunes never be played in favor of classical!?! Its great that the LW naturally shares so much with her daughter, but the girl needs to spend time with her father as well, even if it doesnt seem like the most interesting thing at the time. Lastly, he should NEVER tell his daughter that things she likes annoy him. So the fact that there are things that he likes doing is a good start, and the fact that he wants to do those things with your daughter is excellent. lets_be_honest He's always putting him down. July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. Those twin feelings are what create the strong urge to come back with intense commitment after each escape.. Over time, you may have begun to feel a little desperate, wondering if there wasnt some sort of underlying game going on. It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy. I had NO IDEA what that was, so I did the can-can. I was an athlete and a complete girly girl (still am), so my dad got his sports buddy and princess in one child my sister was not into sports or girly things. My dad and I developed a healthy give-and-take relationship when I was this age. Some article about historical events that are echoed in Firefly, for example, or some new technology that brings us one step closer to Star Trek, or the genuine history of witchcraft that was included in Harry Potter. And her ongoing view that this somehow makes her the better parent is definitely bordering on malicious, I got into I Love Lucy and Bewitched thanks to my mom!! For instance my freshman daughter doesn't have a cellphone yet. Yes, he makes fun of my sister and mother and i whenever we talk a lot about Girly things, like makeup and hair, which I find annoying and a little jerky; but I dont think hes failed at parenting because of it. TV Review: Hitler diaries show fake news didn't begin with the internet, Notorious prisoner Charles Bronson to face public parole hearing, Big Issue seller numbers up due to cost-of-living pressures, says founder, Watch for the April 5 investment tax change, Preparing for a future sale of your business, Tom Allen is Completely committed to comedy and 'Auntie Glo', Weekend Q&A: ran Clarke from NI Opera's Nobody/Somebody, Mary Kelly: Unionists' tendency to turn a gift horse into a tin of dogmeat is legendary - and their Westminster chums are getting fed-up with it. But I loved my dad and my mom encouraged me and sometimes when I was being a brat prodded me -into hanging out with my dad. Encouraging both of them to try more and be respectful would be a good start. He broadened my view of the world, showed me things that I wouldnt have seen without him. Heck no! However, he is an adult and should know that assignments will not help them grow close. In this blog post, we will explore some strategies for resolving conflict between a parent and their partners children. Give up some of your precious one-on-one time with your daughter so that your husband can take her hiking or camping or to a science museum. 1. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. This is NO accident. honeybeenicki He went to jail for beating up his new wife and hurting her little boy. From one mom to another. What is arguable? On the flip side, my mother was much like LWs husband in that she always encouraged competitiveness and athleticism and things she thought were good. You dont have to be your daughters fellow geek and her best friend to have a good relationship. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. I actually wish my parents had exposed me to more things, even things I didnt like. No one ever said that being a parent would be easy, and when your husband and daughter dont get along, it can be especially difficult. But how are they supposed to co-parent and guide this young girl into being a productive young woman if the LW is only addressing her own behavior and attitudes? He played the songs over and over and he had albums (and still does) and he would play them and copy them to the cassette so we could listen to them in the car together (pre CD times). That is why he is pushing her to explore new things. Well, I feel like I may offer a different perspective on this. Do you have any idea how thrilled he was? He also occasionally went to movies with us. My parents eventually got divorced, and I actually think without that, I might not have such a good relationship with my father (who I am much more like as an adult than my mother) or the family on his side, because of how my mom made it us against him when I was little. Shes all the better for it. Though of course, there are ways to encourage a daughter to experience some parts of being a teenage girl which also are good (like trying to get them to go to at least one sporting event in high school if they have someone to go with, trying to get them to ask one person out on a date, to invite one person over to hang out, etc.) Something like that might be a good intersection of the father and daughters interests. I'M GETTING FED UP WITH MY FRIEND'S CRUSH. Shouldnt some autonomy be introduced at an appropriate age? Hmm, Im getting a different vibe from this letter than Wendy is? To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. If he doesnt mind, that would probably be a good show of support to begin with. July 2, 2013, 12:17 pm. Oh trust me, the Buffy fanbase is alive and strong just go check out r/Buffy! Talk about missing the point. The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. And he doesnt have to hide that. Maybe he can break out the old Van Halen or Metallica for her to listen to and you know, maybe she will just really like it. You may feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place, trying to appease both of them while also trying to maintain the peace in your home. And my husband tried; he can shoot bow and arrow (his dads favorite) very well, can recognize animal tracks, knows a number of out-doorsy tricks.it was never good enough. That time was never truly enjoyable, no matter how much I enjoyed myself because I just wasnt compatible with his personality. I generally agree with Wendy, but would add that LW should talk to her husband about the critical view hes taking of his daughters hobbies, the escalating fights between him and the daughter and his way of interrupting conversations between LW and her daughter that annoy him. Im sure BOTH the LW ~and~ her husband could benefit from those. My husband her step-dad has Always been supportive financially to both my children and loves them like his own. Even now, as an adult, when he says he doesnt care and I can pick whatever, I know that isnt really true I put on say yes to the dress and hell be like, ok, well, not this. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. I dont understand the amount of hating on fandom today. For example, I taught my theatre kids The Crucible this year. And while my mom certainly cultivated my love of our mutual interests, she also encouraged me to participate in some of my dads interests, too. July 2, 2013, 3:14 pm. Do you think he liked listening to my fangirlish squees? The LWs husband sounds like my father. Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. Sounds to me like not only is dad not interested in or even bothering to take an interest in any of his daughters interests, but he also disparages them and her calling her uninformed, lacking initiative and uncompetitive and bitches because she isnt more like what he wants her to be like. I also really enjoyed Measure of Man which was the episode where Datas humanity is put on trial. This can cause a lot of tension in the family. Please dont suggest counseling communication is not an issue, as we have talked about these problems over and over. He took me for drives, walks, to plays and out to restaurants. I really think there might be a way for dad and daughter to meet in the middle here. Her daughter should stop liking it just because her mother likes it. (even though his tone and demeanor sound indefensively harsh, cruel and mean.). Anything! I was hoping to be able to tell her that she has a grandbaby coming, but its still too early to know. She may come to appreciate some of her dads interests in time, but I hardly think forcing them down her throat is a good way to do that. Shes doing archery and piano, Id say thats enriching. I dont know where that gene comes from I know I dont have it. Its almost like shes commiserating with her daughter as though hes her father also. I resented how I wasnt allowed to pursue my own interests, and how the only interaction from my father was doing something he wanted or berating us about not having his interest and how stupid our own interests were. Great lesson to learn from your dad. So as a clearly NOT fan girl, its pretty good! , Did anyone else ever watch Home Improvement? I think it would seem less like forcing if he wasnt being a dictator about other things I mean maybe if she could listen to her music or a Harry Potter book on tape in the car on the way camping the daughter would be in a better mood , Marjoralynnia Its not cool that Dad is rolling his eyes at his daughters interests and hobbies. My parents didnt take me to the local library because they hated driving, but they would drag my sister and I on hours-long drives on some Sundays, with stops in the woods to walk around for no apparent reason. I really dont think this situation falls entirely on the husband. I used to whine like crazy when my dad tried to teach me about cars or home improvement, or talk about politics. In my case, Im sure there would have been something else to criticize if I was a different kid. Overly forgiving and intensely devoted partners do not help their partners by taking their patterns personally and destroying their own confidence when they cannot control the outcome. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. I would suggest, while lending an ear to her feelings about her father, gently suggesting she go to him and tell him, without whining or accusing (I dont know that she does either, but I know that tends to shut people down) how his rejection of her makes her feel. How dare she share her own interests. I agree Dad needs to work on himself and his approach, but Mom definitely does too. Id say the exact same thing if your roles were reversed here, and somehow she ONLY wanted to watch the History Channel and go hiking. Im a mom of a 14 yr old version of this LWs daughter mine is going to One Direction on Thursday, and will be spending all of Wednesday and Thursday both preparing for this epic event. Most of which are tucked away out of sight. Heck yeah. She played Meribor (spelling.) Older and (hopefully) wiser Dont let anyone else control your decisions. Express appreciation in your husbands interests so that your daughter may learn to appreciate them or at least be curious about them too. Mythbusters and other shows have done a number of episodes on sci-fi meet reality, too. One of my MILs (I am so lucky; I get three, FML) has a serious issue with me I mean epic butt hurt level, because I CANNOT do board games or card games. My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. Good stuff all around! Definitely. At this age I wouldnt try to force her to do activities she doesnt like because it just results in lots of anger and bad attitude and whining. They do need the help of their partners to learn to love in this new way. No, but we went, because thats how we spent time together- projects and DIY fixes. For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. The advice to the LW is good, but she cannot change her husbands behavior. Hilary Duff has always come clean about her parenting journey over the years. Finally, try to create opportunities for one-on-one time between your husband and daughter. Driving a car in dreams can reveal thoughts and feelings about who or what is controlling your life, how in or out of control you feel, and how clear you are about your goals or destination in life. There are times I dont have any interest in my husbands hobbies, but I know that if I go with him to a Magic: The Gathering tournament this weekend, hell accompany me to see the new Pixar movie when I want to go. lets_be_honest He leaves at 5:00 a.m. every morning to support me and our children. WE cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if WE are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell US to stop because it annoys him. In fact, according to a recent study, nearly one in four people say they would encourage their parents to get a divorce if they were unhappy in their marriage. The problem is, he's never been able to relate to them and, even when he does talk with them, he causes an argument or upsets them. A good game will bring out the competitiveness in everyone. By virtue of him going about his business, I was interested and wanted to participate. Your husband and your daughter are both geeks at heart, which is encouraging. July 2, 2013, 4:37 pm. My mistake then we read the play and watched the movie, and they went NUTS for the story. I dont think the father wanting the daughter to broaden her interests is the problem, its the way he is going about it by demeaning her and her interests and trying to cram in his own interests. That doesnt mean she shouldnt modify her behavior, but her desire is understandable and its easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Instead, hes insisting on discussing National Geographic articles via reading assignments then criticizes her afterword in escalating arguments.