narcissist and second marriage narcissist and second marriage

IM TOTALLY FREEEEEEEEEE. The vows in our wedding that my second husband and I spoke were the ones we created to take us through our life journey ahead we took a class called saving your second marriage before it starts.I had a great job and worked with hundreds of people each week as a staff member at a large church.we were married by our pastor.then when I got sick with no reason why shortly after the miraculous birth of our only child he began to avoid me.shortly thereafter he began to ask for a divorce.his sex supply when I became sick was diminished to next to nothing .I needed love and support and he was not concerned with that.He sued me for divorce after 11 years of marriage and found his new girlfriend one year before that.the message I got is that his need for affirmation is paramount in any way he can get it and I was unable to give it to himso he found his next form of supplywhat did I do wrong? We are divorced 2 yrs now. There is no easy answer to this. And I feel anger about that, I must admit. But I thought if I kept quiet life would be ok. Hell ensues. Its been 4 years since I had a relationship with anyone. After 2 years of him struggling to get out of that relationship including her getting a court order to have him locked out of his homeyes, his homehe moved in with my daughter and I. Oozing with charm, passion, energy and joie de vivre I thought she must have been heaven sent to pull me out of my dark place. they always do til its too late. So I have a question/statementidk but here goes. How To Get Child Custody From a Narcissist? Could a second marriage actually last with these type conditions? I was expecting them to be very affectionate and in love, since they were only 12 months into the honeymoon period. Furthermore, narcissists are addicted to attention. Amazingly, he and my mother have suddenly become best friends and I have recently discovered that he has put wireless cameras all over the house at our home. So fast forwarding to when we came to Canada. waited on him hand an foot, than he divorce me. Ive only ever see her treat him like dirt. Although there would actually never be a marriage at all because a normal healthy stable awake person would see red flags in the early stages and would just end it instead of sticking around. Narcissists are bound to attempt to manipulate and control you. He mentioned his ex wife and son, so I knew he had at least been married in the past. A narcissist will never stay married through the expression of love, compassion, or respect. It seemed grand until my son was born then the cracks appeared, I wanted her for just me. He wanted me isolated and loved pulling my strings. Want to know more? Kept finances separate. After our separation I found out many more disturbing acts he had committed in the years before we met. Narcissists tend to end marriages by framing their spouse as the bad guy. All the while my kids are all in the middle of this mangled mess, he begs her back after learning she was pregnant again for the third time and they go on a Family cruise Dec. 3, 2015 that ended in a altercation with my 13 year old daughter. Two weeks later and I see photographs of her new man on facebook. So the second marriage will contain more abuse than the first one. 2008: meets victim number 3 (me), after a very short time together says he wants a baby ( his 2nd). Lied, cheats, loves attention and makes out to be one person but is completely another. Usually they will continue with the same behavior as before. Living and loving a narcissist is never easy. So, why do narcissists marry? I do feel love for her but that something that Im missing that drives my behavior leaves me only guessing. When that court matter and relationship ended we got married and had a baby, registered a business, bought a house, bought another house where we had tenants and the business was going good. Then one day she went she said to meet a gf of hers for lunch and then the library. It finally got so bad I had to leave and counselors told me that he had clear signs of sociopathic behaviors. I do not speak to him or even look at him although he still lives at home. Then i said, honestly for me, did u cheat during our marriage, and she got all mad and loud and said i told you before no and hung up. I left when I caught her in yet another lie. Often they will be cheating, or have someone else on the line. Never bear anything wrong done to you. Lovebombing at its finest! Narcissism is a complex pattern of behavior. I was floored and told him he was nuts . Thank you this happen to me she got them a house and now they are married. Engaged after a month whilst still married to me. After our divorce, his first wifes family came out of the woodwork with stories of his narcissistic behaviors towards his wife and neglect of his kids after she died. Once my father passed she pretty much made me responsible for my sister and shirked all parental responsibility for either of us after that. I dont know if your wife is a narcissist or has other issues. He Acts Better Than Everyone Else. They break you down, accuse you of everything and turn it all on you acting like they never ever cared for you . According to a 2019 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people with NPD have traits that make it harder to love another person. 2010: Hell has gotten even worse. This site is owned and operated by A Seed Forever LLC, a limited Thank God they werent my kids though. Breaking up with a narcissist is devastating in that you dont have a clue its coming. And his 1st wife. For more information on dealing specifically with a narcissistic husband, you will find this article useful . I know he listens to every single insult and threat and takes it to heart, because I did. What a bunch of pigs. I happened all the time. You will have been working on yourself, exercising, getting stronger, doing all those things youd put off and seeing all those people you hadnt seen while you were with him. Healthy boundaries are crucial in all relationships, but especially in second marriages." Kurt Smith, a therapist who counsels men I know it hurts, and I imagine you feel rejected, but those feelings will fade. You are explaining what just happened to me to a tee. He had destroyed my reputation to his family who would not speak to me for the entire time we were married. Either their spouse is a completely codependent doormat (as I was sadly) OR their spouse is also narcissistic/sociopathic and just using him so they are both just using each other. What a joke. He was charming, told me he loved me constantly and that he was a lucky guy . In our old house he was quick to move me out of. One day she hates me and never wants to see me, next day she shows up at my office with a bag of oranges she said she bought me. He or she feels they are unique and rare while most other human beings are common and ordinary. I wonder how long they will last. I was his 4th wife and less than 1 year after our divorce he had remarried on to wife #5. They get married and have children. (I did tell them that I did not appreciate this late version of reality when I brought my 2nd grader into this situation- feeling they were complicit; they wanted the kids to have a mom who cared. If that is love then i am from Mars. I broke up with him after that and found out later he was already seeing and planning a life with his next victim. Narcissists play to your ego early, to make you dependent on their love and affection. I guess my question is, is this normal? I should point out, he never asked me out or made any attempt to have an affair. Because I was stable, he tried sweet talking me and I could tell he was trying to move back into my life again. She acted like a completely different person and declared how perfect things were, how their love was so unique and could overcome anything, how she couldnt bear to be without him, etc. We just got on incredibly well and there was very obvious attraction. An additional point to make is that the narcissist considers himself special and not understood by just anyone. Ultimately, whether you are happy with such an arrangement is up to you. It is the ultimate hybrid: rigidly shapeless, stanchly flexible, and reliance on the opinion of people whom the narcissist undervalues. I had no idea why were were together anymore. Now I am mentally sick again. Used to the roller coaster ride I thought I could handle it. So i asked her, have u been with any other guy since we separated and she said no, but she is looking and hopefully will fine a guy soon. Three months later, he found a new victim. The evidence is there in the literature that they dont change their spots and go on to abuse the next person down the lineBut what would that say about the new man, herself and me if they lived happily after could, if she was an N. he handle her impulsiveness, mercurial attitude, lack of empathy etc? With a normal healthy stable awake person there is no way the marriage can last long term. Leave all the emotions out (even if youre faking it till you make it), dont react to smear-campaigning, and use some Hollywood-style PR to get your life and sanity back by not giving him any form of supply at all (through reactions, emotions, facial expressions, etc.). Usually they will try to spread rumors about you. I know how perceptive children are, and if she is even a fraction as abusive towards him as she is towards her husband, then I really feel for the kid. If they left you congratulations! If they cheat, you eventually find out and it destroys your confidence even more. I get pregnant with daughter number 2. By associating with others who attract attention, he ensures that he will never be deficient in Narcissistic Supply. Their need for this is related to their lack of independent self esteem or intrinsic sense of self worth. I got an important call for her about an hour after she left and called her cell, which always if she missed my call she would call me back real quick, but not this day. Can you expect them to get better? Sounds great right???? I have zero interest in having an affair with him or anyone else. Good luck! Its very hard not to feel jealous. It all really depends on what their spouse does for them. My ex is a classic, insecure narc. She hasnt left him yet (3 years and counting) despite constantly threatening him with divorce. He proposed and gave me a ring. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. Truly I was like a door mat and made the fatal mistake of showing my love/emotional hand too soon (she said.) He pulled me in head over heels becoming everything I told him I had been hurt through my marriage to an alcoholic. He didnt care that I was divorcing him as he already had a new girlfriend. Then the hell began. It was so insane. I mourned for the man I thought I married meanwhile he was on dating sites before I left our marital home. I got a wage deduction order and the divorce said that he had to pay me until death or in the event that I lived with someone else. Narcissists get married because they want someone to inflate their ego and be a permanent source of narcissistic supply. I dont know the Narcissists new wife, but was friends with his first wife and she was a total door mat to him. The last straw is that he physically grabbed me by my neck and threw me down, about a week after that he realized his money train had come to a stop!! I was divorced from an alcoholic who later died of his disease. I got out, got therapy, rebuilt my life. And in any kind of relationship settingplatonic,. Until they get bored and find a secondary supply. I later found out he had very recently remarried, so I backed off. Whether it is a traditional church affair with white wedding dress, a civil ceremony inside a football stadium, something unusual such as at the bottom of a swimming pool, a same sex union, a week long Indian wedding or getting spliced in . Everything, that is, except for his work. When I finally had the guts to finally get away from him, he refused to divorce me or sign paper. That is a material thing which is easy to let go of. Think gratitude. Its like these people are clones of each other! I was very successful in my work and commenced my doctorate part-time while also raising his 3 children (his wife had died). So, have enough confidence to put forth what is right and do not back down. He had new supply lined up way before he discarded me. For all those wondering what they did wrong.the answer is loved someone who has not learned to love themselves.love is not on the narcissist list of needs.only the external supply they need to power themselveseither give it to them and let yourself be depleted until you stop being you or respect yourself enough to simply let them be who they are and cut your losses and walk away NOW! Im rid of her and she married the idiot. Being married to a narcissist may be hard but understanding how a narcissist stays married is much easier. Think Narc, think Medussa. Keep it light.". I contacted Legal Aid and am hoping to get my back support and my $100 back. The rest of the time she was sharing selfies of expensive holidays, her wedding, things he bought her publically, not just friends/family. NO CONTACT, NO COMMUNICATION 7. Share your concerns with your spouse. It feels good to finally get a word inbut yet not the healthiest to respond in length to his lies even in writing.How long will this last? He has convinced the entire family that I am crazy. He refused to let us use air conditioning or heat, yet he was a wealthy man (inherited). And i can say she is definitely narcissistic, when i checked this out on the internet after we parted, the signs of one could have been called her resume. Here is how a narcissist handles a remarriage. To an extent such that they end up disregarding everyone else and focusing merely on their pleasures and needs. To him, there is no such thing as bad publicity. You would think that is because he was already dating her while he was living with me but actually nope this was a new woman. No love. Their whole marriage was just some prop to make him look like a victim. Because being married makes it harder for you to leave them. After that divorce my second wife was 15 yrs younger, ego boost and all. She is the love of his life. So i said then why did you not introduce me to him as your husband and she said he did not want to meet me. Um. While a narcissist does have hope for change, which competent support of a counselor or coach, it is unlikely that they will change. Hmm, same thing he told me. I am fresh out of a narcissistic marriage he remarried before the ink was dry ..I too feel as lakes does. Got a job for two months, complained that the boss was mean because she couldnt get away with being an arrogant spoiled brat at work, then ragequit one day. The NARC will continue to try to elicit responses from you, as these maintain their control over you, and helps feed their supply needs 4. By now he was cheating ( if not from the beginning!) He and the ex girlfriend had apparently gotten back together sometime after we were married without my knowledge. Saying move forward instead of move on, is so important to hear. He will be 47 when the baby is born and his oldest biological child, whom he has had no relationship with since the age of 3, will be 22! This same condition makes it difficult for them to understand or acknowledge that they are the root of many of the problems in their relationships. He wasnt ready to cut me loose. I thought that now he was getting a divorce and would be able to freely do what he wanted that he would be satisfied with that but he continue to find ways to torture me or get back at me in a very subtle ways. The year they were dating/engaged (she was in a rush to marry him and get a visa less than 12 months after they met) she spammed him with over the top public declarations of love that read like she was quoting bits of a romance film. Please say a little prayer for me. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition ( DSM-V) defines narcissism as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. So, a narcissist will remarry to increase their access to the type of emotional supply that they need from other people. Glad I did. And since she has destroyed his self esteem, he just accepts whatever she wants and gives in to avoid being alone. As public opinion ebbs and flows, so does the narcissists self-confidence, self-esteem, sense of self-worth, or, in other words, so does his Self. Im divorced now and he lets his new girl believe i did all kinds of crazy He said and did terrible things..m still calls me late at night when she isnt there from Nick numbers and leaves me messages about how we child still work it out Hed leave her and his kids.. Shes pregnant now with his fifth kid Thankfully i had no kids. This July he stopped paying me. 2016: Leave the marriage. I am having a hard time not looking at this situation as her being better and him really loving her way more than me. So a week ago she went to china to visit her family and a girlfriend of hers accompanied her. He had two kids both of different relationships. Therefore, a narcissist will only associate with others of high status or intellect, for they feel ONLY these people can possibly understand them. DONE THAT.Couldnt be happier now. You will be better off in the long run. There's a major difference between two people enjoying pleasuring one-another, versus a sexual narcissist trying hard to give a virtuoso performance. Turned my life upside down but and I am so glad I had the strength to leave and know I deserve better. I was in your exact situation a year ago. He insisted on making me guilty and would not hear me. Breathe a huge sigh of reliefthat could have been you. I did all of these things myself and I remember exactly what my life was like back then. I have used all my savings just trying to survive and am now collecting food stamps (thank God-I have plenty of things wrong with my health-aneurysms, emphysema, anemic and malnourished, C-PTSD; I have been going to counseling for 20 years now and other things-I live on SS and pension). Daughter is born. There is no rhyme or reason to their drastic swings. Sure, I would love to know what was real, and what was her just trying to make me jealous, but in the end, who cares. Ignore everything you here or read 2. I was mad of course, and she called him in front of me and said she cannot see or talk to him again. mine did almost the same but is delusional n hides the mental fk up w/ FB smoke n mirrors. My mother is a narcissist, told me shortly after my father passed of cancer how shed not only lost her husband, lover and confidenant (less than a year before telling a 13 yr old me she was planning on leaving him). Ive noticed narcissistic people tend to call other people narcissists frequently, I was the second wife to a narcissist. OMGI am reading all of these comments and I am shocked, that this is not me making things up. Your life is to be lived with respect to where you have come from but with the greatest courage to love yourself enough to move forward (and find a support system of friends that will help you). Will a narcissist behave better in their second marriage due to getting older and realizing they might not be able to get away with as much as they did in their first marriage, if the second spouse was more intolerant? I dont know why, but I just had that feeling, so I called the travel agent that she uses who is also a friend of mine and asked him, who else went, and he reluctantly finally told me my wife, her gf, and 2 guys. Rediscovering narcissism and interested to read the above comments. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . And is now at my throat for custody. Great at first then distant and unhappy. Try not to take it personally. Sure, I would love to know what was real, and what was her just trying to make me jealous, but in the end, who cares. Divorcing a Narcissist is the ultimate challenge, The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me, My Narcissist Boyfriend is Jealous of my Ex. Hi thanks for saying this. So, I guess if they marry a doormat, it could work. I couldnt understand how this man could have had two lives and I didnt know. You may often feel unloved when married to a narcissist, which also isn't your fault. But he says hes happy. Look these pigs will never change and ladies look out bc they are master manipulators liars and cheaters. How to Tell a Narcissist You Want a Divorce? We clicked immediately and talked for hours after meeting. After about a year of this cat and mouse game I got fed up and applied for divorce. While having self-confidence or wanting to be acknowledged by others is normal, people with narcissistic personality disorder often take things to extremes. Nature sure what to do about a narcissist second marriage? This site also participates in other affiliate programs and An episode of narcissistic rage derives from a threat to a person's sense of self and is characterized by intense anger. I didnt get that much financial support in the settlement, just $100.00. He owns his own business, Hobart and Kitchen Aid, and has two houses. At first it was really hard but taking the time to get to know myself, focus on my children and recovery was the best choice Ive ever made! It sucks what your going through but to find someone with the opposite traits as your narc will truly be amazing! I know why he apologises to random people for things she accuses him of, because I used to do it. I believe he feels the same way. Fight for custody. She is an amazing person that has made the wise decision to leave me. I dont choose well and found myself married to men with different hidden addictions. and said she had met a customer from where she works on the bus and took him to meet her gf, but the gf got called into work so he asked my wife to go to an afternoon movie at the cinema, and she turned off her phone while there. I have recently been discarded from my ex narc and its been about 3 months. Everything my ex accused me of, I just apologised for, agreed with her, and just went on my way. 1. It can impact two-way communication, as you may be coming to the argument seeking to understand, while they may be trying to secure their own. Filed for divorce after 5 yrs of dancing with the Devil. But he totally flaked out and picked on my daughter relentlessly and cruelly when his youngest was off at college. I wish I knew how long it was going to last as I know it is going to effect my two kids. He had been married 3 times and had 3 other long relationships. His kids will attend his wedding- I told them to stay out of the business of warning Ying- its none of their business. A woman who is pleasing in bed well, its not really as lasting as other qualities. You cry a lot. He is now engaged to a Chinese immigrant who barely speaks English. I signed a pre-nupt. His answer was I want sex how I want it.too bad for you. His career is his only place of stability. You might notice some of the following signs in a narcissistic marriage. And youll never get played again. No he told me when i called him that they did not meet on the bus that day, they had planned to meet few days before. Hes much closer to her in age and looks than I am more of a trophy good catch. Marries me while Im 5 months pregnant. I kept finding things she wrote and thinking X said that exact same thing to me!. His children stay with me or their maternal grandmother when they are in town, not with him and call me Mom (saint mom- right!?!). Isnt is funny that Im not the one who rushed out and jumped into another marriage.. This My ex was engaged a month after i moved out We were still working on our marriage At least years what he said. It could be money, fame, friends, assets, power, control-there is always something in it for them. He left his 1st wifes bed to mine literally the same day; however I didnt discover this until after him and I separated. Being in a intimate relationships gives a narcissist many options that they might not have had otherwise. Its almost as bad watching someone I love go through that torture as it was going through it myself. Not sure if shes actually managed it, but she travels abroad by herself frequently (shes not from here) and is entirely focused on her appearance and going out partying while he works. He falls in and out of love with people, workplaces, residences, vocations, hobbies, interests because they seem to be able to provide more or less Narcissistic Supply and for no other reason. Narcissists frequently have divorces and get remarried? My ex- drifted from job to job, career to career, mostly not working, but always lamenting what his purpose was. I stop birth control. no, never knew if I was coming or going, I gave all that I had, NOT ENOUGHT, when he was injured from a surgery I was there for him 24 seven wipe his ass clean up his everyday masses, took over everything around the house. Everything she has ever told me was a lie, so why would she start being honest now? even went on a smearing campaign with ex friends to talk bad about me and get discriminating knowledge about me. I learned about flying monkeys. He made me do horrible things. Triangulation. I waited until September to see if would start paying me again and he didnt, so I found his phone number online and called him. By the time he had been divorced in our relationship it was about a year and the newness had worn off and he has cheated over and over. So we have both just accepted the situation. Once the honeymoon period wears off, and the narcissist feels they have a hold on you, they will transition to more aggressive manipulation tactics such as gaslighting, hot & cold, triangulation, and playing the victim to name a few. Her oldest sons gf was pregnant, so she wanted a kid then too. Well after 4 years, this past fall he sat me down and told me he thought I was in love with a co-worker and had the hots for his sons best friend. But, being married to a narcissist means you will be taking part of a daily struggle. She is the one who has filed each divorce and it seems like her past marriages do not end on a happy note. ..and if I hope (secretly) that she burns him out too does that make me a narcissist instead of hoping that she gets better and they live happily ever after? They separated in July of 2015 and she moved back with her parents, she became pregnant again and terminated that one also. NOTHING. I also have seen how when her husband works long hours, and she doesnt see him often enough, she goes out a lot more, texts her ex-husband over ridiculous things with their daughter, and has cheated on him. And hed pretend like nothing ever happened. Narcissists behave worse with age. It was as if he was trying to force me to make the decision to leave. While you are dealing with a narcissist, it could be possible that a narcissist is hurting, demeaning, and dominating you wrongly due to their self-obsessive nature. Nope. He made up some elaborate story to make me look bad to everyone. Laughed that she spends most of her time in the gym as there are so many hot guys there to choose from. The N. I was married to for 28 yrs just remarried. My daughter is now 22 and still lives with us. I caught her cheating red handed and left. Widely-regarded as one of the central events in a person's life. Just wish I could have been him. Get my tubes tied the day she is delivered in 2011. Any tips on what works best when your ex , a Narcissist, begins an onslought of lies after his narcissistic binge post remarriage? I was only responding to her overtures but of course was in head over heels very quickly. I suspect he didnt give in to her every whim. So I ask my husband about it who shrugs his shoulders and sais he has no idea what our son is talking about. A few months after breaking up with him, went home from a local dance in my dads home town with someone else and moved in with him three months later (I was 15, my sister was 5).